Today: Inspired by the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit at the Art Gallery of Ontario, I’m thinking about how we respond to other people’s reactions to our art.
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This moment of table transgression is not the special moment that I had with Escher today but I loved the light and his attentive posture as he looked out into the great beyond. In the next moment, he saw me and climbed down sheepishly. (That’s a win too – he now has an awareness of what’s okay and not okay)
Earlier in the day, he was up in the studio, staring out the window, watching the birds. Months and months ago I had been able to sit near him on the chair, petting him and being close. It was lovely.
One day, I took the step of trying to pick him up and it was too much. He ran away and didn’t forgive me. Each time that I would go near the chair, he would bolt out of the room – until today.
Today he did that little awkward prance that he’s come to do when he’s looking forward to being pet. I sat on the chair. He stood on its arm, kneading and purring as I pet him.
Progress.
Today: I’m thinking about whether it’s worth it to dream the impossible. So far, I’m leaning to yes.
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It’s already a bit late in the season to be getting to the garden centre but there was still plenty of beauty! I always put some annuals out front, usually some dark red geraniums and some purple wave petunias, neither of which were available so I made some new choices. What’s funny is that I didn’t even notice that I had picked the same colour scheme! I guess I just like it, especially against the green of our house.
Verbena Hybrid – Lanai Dark Red Verbena (annual)
Salvia longispicata x farinacea – Mystic Spires, Blue Salvia (perennial)
Euphorbia Hybrid – ‘Star Dust Super Flash” Euphorbia (annual)
Delphinium elatum – “Guardian Lavender” Delphinium (perennial)
Pieris japonica – ‘Brouwer’s Beauty’ Japanese Pieris (shrub)
These give me a sense of serenity and sanctuary just looking at them. Tomorrow I’ll get them in the ground and let them start the process of making our garden home.
Would you believe me if I was a world-renowned painter? A grammy-award-winning pop star? A New York Times best-selling author? Would you believe me if I had 10,000 social media followers? 20,000? 100,000? What about if I was a researcher, an academic, a scientist? Would you believe me if I pulled out extensive studies into the nature of human beings and creativity and showed you where you are on the spectrum? For you to believe me, would I have to be beautiful, with long flowing hair, a boho outfit and tribal tattoos? Would you need me to be a dream, a rival, a star?
What if I was a person, just like you, who had to find her way, who was sometimes scared and sometimes confident, who sometimes grabbed the brass ring and sometimes cried in bed, who sometimes got chosen but often didn’t, who did the smart thing and studied English at school, who worked a regular job – until she didn’t – who first and foremost loved the arts but was daunted and discouraged much of the time but also sometimes brave, a person who refused to choose just one art and forsake all others, a person who isn’t a rock star or a top Etsy seller or a blog sensation but who lived every day, to the best of her ability, a true, committed, creative life, one she could feel proud of and at peace with.
Would you hear me then?
Or maybe it doesn’t matter who I am at all, it matters what I stir in you. Maybe it’s when something I say brings tears or goosebumps, evokes hope or sorrow, makes you uncomfortable or wildly alive.
Maybe it’s simply when the truth in me connects to the truth in you that suddenly you know who you are and what you are here to do.
Despite what the marketers say, I don’t want to prove myself to you. I don’t want to serve up a daily buffet of the credentials of my creative coolness. I don’t want to trot out proof that I am worthy. And I don’t want you to have to either.
Let’s start with knowing that we are all worthy and from there let’s dive into the work. Let’s be in the discussion together. Let’s wrestle with the challenges and share the learning. Let’s be brave and scared and messy. Let’s take small steps alongside big and bold ones. Let’s be reflective and solitary and brilliant. Let’s be connected and expressive and fun. Let’s open our hearts and stretch our minds, reveling in harmony and rising to challenges. Let’s make it easier for one another, not harder. Let’s try new things and hone our skills and experience life to the fullest. Let’s shine our light and wear what we want and let’s, above all, be artists.
Let’s tell our stories and create our work. Let’s paint and draw and sing. Let’s dance and act and write poetry. Let’s be keen observers of life and ourselves. Let’s be endlessly curious and wildly generous with our gifts. Let’s immerse ourselves in our subject matter. Let’s create from the truth that’s within us and present to the world that’s around us.
Let’s do it without the need to prove. Let’s do it without the demand for reward. Let’s do it because it is who we are, without guilt or apology, for all of our days.
Today: I’m learning from the weekend and trying to create a balance that works. What does balance look like to you?
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It’s been two years since the kittens came into our life and Escher still skedaddles if you come too close too fast, if there’s too much hubbub and if you even think about picking him up. Still, we have made enormous progress.
One of the lovely things about him now is that he loves to be near. When I was very sick this winter, he was my daily companion, curled up right beside me in bed. He’s been letting me pet him for quite some time now but mostly he walks away as I try. As a result, I mostly pet his tail, LOL! In the past couple of weeks, he’s started figuring out that if he alters his approach, he can get his head and neck pet, which he loves. In those moments, he’ll purr deeply and even start kneading. Bliss!
My heart just booms when this happens and all of this gives me hope that our trust will continue to grow, that we will get closer and closer and that one day, he may even sit on my lap.
Let me pick him up? Well, one step at a time.
