Sunshine & Icicles: The Vulnerability of Growth and Loss

Green in the Garden

After a long, dark, cold, icy, snowy winter, last weekend it was incredibly exciting to see signs of life in the garden! As we bundled up hundreds of twigs, as we pulled away piles of of last year’s fallen leaves, as we chopped through remaining patches of ice, what a joy to see green.

Every time I would find something I’d let out a big “woohoo!” and call Justin over to have a look. It felt so very good to move into spring, my favourite time of year.

And then, the next day looked like this…

Snow Day

Those poor tender exposed shoots were met with the cold and the snow.

They remind me of my heart.

For the past while, my duties as my mom’s executor slowed down and I consciously took a break, knowing that when tax time came around I’d be back in it. I’ve been feeling good, feeling strong and inspired, motivated by the new studio and all that’s coming to life here.

And now it’s April and I’m facing my loss head-on again. I’m going through Mom’s papers, seeing her signature, stumbling across her little notes to herself. I’m back in last April, when we knew she had cancer and my sister Suzie came to visit and stayed. In an instant I’m as raw as I ever, my heart vulnerable in the face of the snow and ice.

I am a tender shoot facing the spring and the snow, the icicles and the sunshine.

And like the plants in my garden, I am both vulnerable and resilient and I will move, day by day, towards life.

Sunshine & Icicles

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