When I sat down to write last week’s newsletter, I thought it would be full of lightness and the fresh energy of this much-anticipated spring but that’s not what tumbled out of my heart.

I am beyond thankful for the return of the sun and the birds, for the tips of green on the trees and the snowdrops coming up from newly exposed ground. I am also thrilled to see so many of my students getting their vaccines, starting to feel a sense of hope and relief, even seeing friends and family.

And…

… and so many are still waiting.

… and so many lives have been lost.

… and in the midst of it all, we continue to face a racial crisis as Asian people are being targeted with violence (which is going starkly under-acknowledged), not to mention that anti-black racism hasn’t disappeared since it came into sharp relief last summer.

… and then there’s the complicated feelings we each might have about things returning to ‘normal’. Will we feel safe when we’re expected to return to work? Will there be work to return to? Will what we used to enjoy, like going to the movies or yoga class, ever be the same? Did the imposed restrictions surprise us with relief at the slower pace? Do we have to give that up?

It’s a lot.

And even as hope arrives in the form of spring, a vaccine and political change, we can find that our feelings don’t abate but intensify. In crisis situations we often push aside intense emotions in order to deal with the necessities. Then, when the pressure lessens, those feelings flow and need somewhere to go.

Whether it is as a result of the current context, something deeply personal or both, if you are having big feelings right now, I want to share some strategies with you.

Things to Do When You Have Big Feelings

1. Move Your Body. Yes, this old chestnut. Choose an activity that supports the energetic expression of your emotion. Maybe you want to run. Maybe you want to dance. Maybe you want to lift weights or roll around and stretch on the floor. Maybe you want to move those big boxes in the garage or rearrange your furniture. Maybe you want to clean your bathtub. Moving your body helps emotional energy move along.
2. Write. Letting it all out into your journal can be a powerful way of getting that emotional energy out of your system and onto the page. Your journal can hold it all with infinite patience and zero judgment. If you don’t want to keep a record or if you worry about someone finding all you’ve released, write on scrap paper and shred it, safely burn it or find another way to let it go.
3. Make Marks. As creatives, we know there are many ways to pour ourselves onto the page. Making marks can be a great release of energy and can be less fraught with rumination than writing. What would feel right for your current state? Scribbling with crayons? Pushing hard on a pencil across the page? The smooth glide of markers? The smush of colourful pastels? Try a few things and see what brings a sense of satisfaction or relief. (By the way, both writing and mark-making are also ways of moving your body.)
4. Water. Water is the element of the emotions. Let it be your ally in working with your big feelings. Have a shower and imagine all that excess energy washing away and slipping down the drain. Make sure you’re staying hydrated. Drinking enough water ensures that your physical system can flush away toxins, including those brought on by tension and stress.
5. Breathe. Each time we breathe, we bring brand new air into our system and release what we no longer require. Actively imagine all the fresh and good coming into your system and all the strain and pressure leaving. Our breath is also a natural and physical rhythm and rhythm provides a sense of predictability and relief.
6. Savour. Slow down and allow yourself to receive the beauty and blessings of the world. Sit in the sun and feel the gift of its warmth. Put on headphones, close your eyes and be awash in music. Plump up your pillow and cozy up in bed for a nap. If you have fur babies, give yourself over to cuddles and purrs. Let it be simple and be present to enjoy it.
7. Talk. Reach out and share your heart with a trusted friend (and when you’re able, be that trusted friend for others.) Everyone needs to share and be witnessed. Some of us, extroverts in particular, only really understand ourselves when we talk out our feelings. Find a therapist who can support you, particularly if you are having trouble coping*.
8. Take Action. Overwhelm often shows up when we are faced with things beyond our control. Taking action on the things that we do have some agency over, no matter how small, can help. This can be as simple as getting the dishes done or as significant as taking the first step in resolving an issue. I often think of a saying I first heard from Carrie Anne Moss, “When the pressure is on, act, and the pressure is off.”

In Journal Club last week, there were a lot of big feelings. It was a gift to have a place where we could be exactly where we were, a place where the full spectrum of our human experience was welcome. You are allowed to be exactly where you are and feel exactly what you feel. It doesn’t matter if it’s out of step with others or if it’s different than you expected. What matters is that you find your way to support yourself deeply and find a way through. Spring, in all its forms, will be here again.

I know there are a lot of avid learners in this studio and you’re probably one of them, Jamie. Your creative life is no doubt richly nourished by inspiring books, creative classes and YouTube videos. Me too – both as a student and as an instructor!

Today I want to share with you a well-kept secret that will supercharge your learning. It’s a secret that we often keep even from ourselves. It’s called… doing.

Let me tell you about a brilliant client I worked with. He was fascinated by Buddhism, particularly the power of meditation. When I encouraged him to give meditation a try, he said, “Nah, I think I’m happy reading about it.”

Sound familiar? So many of us do this, especially if we are highly sensitive creatives. It’s so much safer and cozier to tuck into a book or to watch another tutorial than it is to clear off the table and paint or to sit down and write a first draft or to figure out how to use that dang sewing machine.

But here’s the thing…

All of these fascinating creative pursuits come alive and into focus when you dare to do them!

For example, imagine you want to learn to draw faces. You watch tutorials. You buy classes. You read books. All of that gives you a great foundation but you still don’t know how to draw faces. The only way you’re really going to learn is to…. draw faces.

You make a first attempt and it sucks. You try again and it sucks too. But if you can stick with it, if you draw another face and another and another, each one becomes incrementally, maybe imperceptibly, better than the last. You develop a sense of proportion. You start to find your way of drawing a nose, a chin, an upper lip. You remember what you’ve read and understand it in a new way. You try what you learned in class and maybe it clicks. You start to discover things that no one can teach you, like how you love pink and yellow side by side or that blending makes you sigh with joy so you use pastels and abandon markers.

You find your way.

It’s the same with any medium. Only when you start creating in the kitchen, do you begin to recognize how dough feels when it’s ready or that you scoff at recipes that ask for only one clove of garlic. Only when you work on knitting projects do you realize what the right tension feels like in your hands or that certain types of yarn glide through your fingers and others have you cursing like a sailor.

With every step, with every action, not only are you learning but you are also becoming.

You are becoming the artist that you want to be.

All of the wisdom that people share is a blessing and a gift. Each resource you draw on is like a precious map for your creative journey but the adventure truly begins when you do.

Every year my sister Shannon and I sign up for Carla Sonheim‘s year-long art course. We’ve explored collage, worked through the alphabet, followed our creative spark. My art table has been covered with paints, papers and pastels as well as wires, books and stuffed animals. It’s always an adventure.

This year’s topic is Words & Pictures and the course features lessons from many different artists. This week I caught up on a class by Kara Kramer about keeping a messy notebook. The concept is to have a sketchbook in which anything goes and to dive into it for 15 minutes a day.

As I watched Kara work in her own messy journal, I was moved by her absolute lack of hesitation. With assuredness and immediacy she would grab an oil pastel and make confident marks. She would reach for a paintbrush and slap on striking colours. She’d grab a piece of paper, cut out a word or a shape and quickly glue it onto the page. Her moves were bold and instinctive. Her hand was strong.

That’s what comes form having a regular practice.

That’s what comes from being creatively free.

It’s taken me a long time to feel free with the visual arts. I had childhood art wounds that left me believing this was simply not a venue for me, Even though drawing and painting had always brought me great joy, I turned away from them for a very long time. It was only when my little niece came over and we went out for art supplies and then spent the whole day painting that a love for the visual arts rekindled inside of me*.

After that day, I slowly found my way back. It was a long, hard and frustrating road. I signed up for community art classes and would leave each night in tears, weeping out of the sheer frustration of having a desire that couldn’t find its way out of me and working with teachers that didn’t help. It was like having something I deeply want to say without having access to any words at all and it was painful.

Over the years I found better teachers, including Carla. I started to understand that it’s that unrelenting impulse to express myself that makes me an artist and the development of skills over time that makes that visible.

You don’t start out knowing how to speak.

You don’t start out knowing how to draw.

You learn.

Bit by bit, you learn.

And a part of learning is making crappy drawings and messy art. It’s not easy at first because each bit of wobbly artwork seems to affirm what your inner and outer critics have been saying for years, “You have no talent. I mean, look at that!”

This is where you must build the most powerful artistic muscle of them all: devotion. You must keep going, keep experimenting, keep learning and growing until you start to discover and recover the artist that you are meant to be. You must not give up on yourself or your art. You must find your way through.

When you do, you will remember that making a mess with paint is a blast, that playing with colour is a joy, that making marks is your birthright and you need never let any of it go.

And so it is that today, instead of crying in frustration at not having a language for my fingertips, I am here with you on a Sunday morning, eyes misty with the joy of knowing I am healed, that I can spend hours drawing and painting, making a mess or attempting something ‘finished’. The visual arts are mine and I am theirs and we will not be separated again.

Now I am delighted to have a sketchbook open on the table, to be surrounded by supplies. Now I can reach for a marker, a paintbrush, a pastel and, without hesitation, make marks on the page.

I hope that you’ll give yourself a chance to experience this too. Create a safe space for the journey, whether it’s a sketchbook, your kitchen or your backyard, to experiment, discover and grow. Find your teachers. I hope I am one of them. Weep if you need to. And heal.

Find your way back to your art. Find your way back to yourself. And once you do, never let go.

* Remember, you are the keeper of your creative fire.

A few years ago one of my university friends made an observation about the director of our theatre program. She said, “‘X’ never saw anyone that wasn’t obvious.”

That struck a chord deep in my heart.

I was never that girl. I was the quiet one in the second row with her head down, working. I was the earnest one practicing flute, writing poetry and listening to music, creating dances in my mind. I was the shy one waiting for someone to notice me and give me a chance.

Until I wasn’t.

Even though I was quiet and shy, I had a fire inside, a creative fire, and somewhere along the line I realized that if I waited until someone saw and nurtured that in me, I could be waiting a very long time.

Maybe you’ve been waiting a very long time, waiting for someone to see your gifts, to recognize your talents, to encourage you and invite you in.

Maybe you’ve been invited in sometimes, in some ways, but not in others – and those other times have left their mark.

Maybe no one has ever recognized your creative heart and you’ve been waiting in the wings for years.

Maybe you have been noticed but unkindly, making it much better to hide your fire than to ever risk again.

But we must be who we are.

So often our world treats the arts as an extra, something you do after all your chores are done, something that is frivolous play or, if it is taken seriously at all, something that is resigned to an elite chosen few.

But what if art is a part of your soul, the very makeup of your being? Being separated from any part of yourself is damaging. When an artist is cut off from their creativity they often numb out or lash out.

When we numb out, it’s because we’ve asked the creative part of ourselves to play dead. As that part of our soul complies, more and more of who we are dulls and eventually erodes. Our life turns to grey and we find ourselves going through the motions. We wonder what’s missing and finally we forget there was ever anything else at all. After a time, we find ourselves listless, anxious, unwell. We may find ourselves crying at unexpected times. Though we have forgotten our creative fire, our body remembers and mourns.

Alternatively, we lash out. All of that creative energy needs somewhere to go. With no artistic outlet, our inner fire twists its way out of our creative soul, turning into caustic comments, snap judgements and all-around prickliness. We may still find ourselves drawn towards the arts but our creative genius weaves harsh critiques and cleverly builds airtight arguments that both attack possibility and defend the status quo. We rail against a cage of our own making.

Without the creative part of our soul, we artists find ourselves in a dark, dark place.

But we can come back to the fire. No matter how much time has past, no matter how far you have come down the road, you can return to your creative self. You can rouse the artist hidden within. You must.

Your art is waiting.

It doesn’t care how old you are.

It doesn’t care how rusty your skills.

It misses you.

It wants to be a part of your life.

So forget what anyone has ever told you. This is not about your relationship with the world. This is about your relationship with your soul. This is about devotion.

You are the keeper of your creative fire, [FIRST NAME GOES HERE].

It doesn’t have to be obvious to anyone else that you are an artist but from this day forward, let it be clear and obvious to you. Let this knowledge guide your choices and lead the way. Let the arts be your medicine. Let them reunite you with this essential part of who you are and who you will always be.

Starting today. Starting now.